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15 December 2006 @ 11:31 am
Money's tight and times are hard, so here's your fucking Christmas card.  
Christmas has broke me. I spent nearly everything I had on gifts for the family. I'm glad I was able to, of course, and I wish I could have gotten them more, but I saw something on the internet a few days back that I'd love to have.

I am in the market for a teddy bear charm I can put on a leather strap and wear around my neck. Being a total stuffed animal geek, teddy bears, being the definitive stuffed animal, have become a personal symbol of mine. You don't find many teddy bear shirts for guys, so instead I want a small teddy bear I can wear round my neck. Maybe a pewter one or a sterling silver one like the german shephard I currently wear ( my favorite dog breed ). I want a teddy bear, not a realistic bear. Real bears do not interest me.

I was poking around on the internet and I came across a guardian teddy bear pendant. That's what it was called. It was a tiny silver teddy bear with wings. I always say stuffed animals are my guardian spirits or at the very least they're the closest things to guardian spirits I'll ever have. I used to be big into animal spirituality, believing my animal spirit guide was a dog or wolf. How fucking cliche, I know. But either I was wrong or my so called guardian wasn't doing a very good job, because I was as miserable when I believed that as I was when I didn't. Believing such things didn't help at all, so I stopped believing. I'm much happier depending on stuffed animals to keep me calm when the anxiety starts in. They do a better job than some mystical space wolf in the sky anyway.

So anyway, the idea of a teddy bear as a guardian hits real close to home for me. I'd love that pendant. But unfortunately I can't buy it. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to buy it in a month or so. Then I'll rip the chain off, attach the bear to a more comfortable lether strap and wear it with pride. It will be a way to honor the things that are always there when I need them most.

And enough with the sappy bullshit. Now I'm gonna go totally off topic and prove I have no heart, for no reason but that I'm bored. You know Final Fantasy 7? Aeris's death? The one that gets all the gaming fanboys all weepy? I didn't cry. I didn't get a lump in my throat or anything. I mean, come on! She's a video game character. Do you know how many of those fuckers I've wasted over the years? Hell the only reason she made it that far is because the game didn't give me the option of killing her myself. Plus her death made no sense. Characters are resurrected all the time in RPGs. They get an axe in the skull, you pour a potion on em' and they're good as new. Am I supposed to believe that Sephiroth's blade has some magical property that negates the effects of all potions and magical artifacts on someone once he runs them through with it?

Also, I didn't cry when Optimus Prime died in the Transformers movie. His death made even less sense than Aeris's. He's a fucking ROBOT for God's sake. A machine! If your car breaks down, or you run it into a pole or some shit like that you take it to an auto shop and repair it. You don't cry over it like a six year old girl who got her Rainbow Brite doll taken away, proclaim "I fear the wounds are fatal" then bury the bastard. They could have downloaded his personality onto a floppy disk and built him a new body or something like that. Hell, the damage he sustained wasn't even that bad. He got hit in the side a few times. It's not like half his body was blown apart or anything. I think they just let him die to get the insurance money. Damn selfish autobots.
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable